Is Being Broken Or Toxic A New Trend?

Daily Examples Of  Entitled Brokenness & Toxic Trends

Ever met someone you loved and were pretty sure they loved you back? You go on dates, share intimate information about each other, and technically do everything that everyone in a relationship does. Here is the catch, it’s beautiful but there is no title attached to it. They can hurt you but you can’t ask or be mad because you think; oh well they are not my girlfriend or boyfriend so what’s my basis? Yes, you become the bigger person and choose to confront the elephant in the room, Why are we not dating? 99 % of the time they answer, am too broken to be in a relationship right now or I am so toxic for you but I really like you therefore I can’t be with you at the moment. But hey, I still want to enjoy the benefits of being in a relationship. Here is a second scenario; Have you ever had someone in your life who is ever drowning in self-pity about the unfortunate things that have occurred in their lives? The crazy part is that situation is always a barrier for them to take 100% responsibility for their lives. After realizing 5 years prior that the way they were raised was unfair, they still use it as an excuse for not showing up in their day-to-day life. I can’t pursue my dreams because my childhood was rough, I can’t live an independent life because I never got support and love from those I needed it from the most. The most popular phrase for this generation is I need healing. But do you need healing, or are you excited to finally find excuses not to show up or commit to relationships?

Maybe The More Broken I am, The More Applause I Receive.

Most of our generation’s conversations are centered on how hurt and toxic we are. We compete to see who has the most trauma but never go a step further to applaud those who choose to step out of their trauma. We use hurt and trauma as an excuse not to take responsibility in life. Yes, I may be wrong for doing this but it’s because my parents abandoned me when I was young or I was taken for granted and betrayed in my last relationship. We subconsciously push away the good in our lives because then we stop identifying as I am toxic and need healing.

Should We Discount Trauma?

Hear me out, I am not discounting the fact that we all face traumatic experiences in life. Secondly, If you have pinpointed the source of your trauma or hurt I am proud of you. But recognizing your trauma and stepping out of it is more than the statement I need healing. You need to put in the work and intentionally work towards being better in that area you need healing in. Healing starts from knowing you do not want to stay in that rut. Healing starts from confronting your thoughts and feelings instead of keeping busy and not dealing with the situation at hand. Stepping out of your toxic traits starts with putting them out in the open, recognizing the triggers and intentionally calling them out, and choosing to act or show up differently. Healing looks like asking God to help you in your weakness and picking up the lessons in the unfair situation while practicing wabi-sabi (finding the beauty in the imperfections). Healing starts by redirecting from the blame game to taking 100% responsibility for your life. Healing starts from understanding that life is 10 % what happens to you and 90% how you respond.

Don’t Be Fooled Hurting People Hurt Others

When you find yourself on the other side of someone who is content in their brokenness and toxicity, you have got to be brave enough to realize this situation is not serving you. Speak out and save yourself like a gazelle from the hands of the hunting lioness. One of the reasons why I think hurt is spreading around the globe is due to people staying in relationships where the other individual is entitled to their trauma and unfair situations that they do not want to actively take the steps to grow and heal from it. At the moment you feel like a savior or helper, but listen, you cannot help someone who does not want to be helped. The first rule of therapy is that the patient has to want therapy, the patient has to be willing to heal and grow. When we choose to stay trapped in these situations, we are slowly hurting ourselves in the process. It makes it easy for you not to give your all in your next relationship under the notion I gave my all and it never worked, therefore this does not work. Not realizing you gave your all in a relationship where growth was not their priority, they were comfortable and entitled to their trauma and toxicity. I once heard my girl Sarah Jakes Roberts in an interview saying “Sometimes you have to be willing to let people go in your life, let them know that for where you are in your growth journey, the environment that they are creating is not serving you, wish them well and go your separate ways” It’s not that they are bad people, but if you want to soar, you have to surround yourself with people that are not entitled to their trauma, people that are willing to step out of their comfort zone and put in the work to grow into the better version of themself daily.

Take Relevant Steps Towards Healing & Live Your Best Life

In conclusion, If you don’t want to actively take steps to grow yourself, don’t flaunt your traumas as a way of guilt-trapping those around you. If you are not ready to be in a romantic relationship don’t lead people on or expect relationship benefits without the commitment. To live the best life, don’t catch on to the ” am toxic and need healing trend” It’s not a flex it’s sad. You are stopping yourself from enjoying the best in life, those around you will feel pity for you in the moment but guess what, they will go back to their lives. Take practical steps towards healing and live the best version of yourself.

tanyafungai