Men According To God’s Standard

One of my favorite and most repeated movies is ‘The Fodge’ and NO, not because Priscilla Shirer is in it hahaha. I love how it was based on men, most importantly, the community of men they created, men after God’s standard and definition of a man, not what makes a man according to the “world” standard.  With all that is happening around the world, imagine if men took a stand, if they were the ones to lead their families based on the word of God and integrity. As opposed to women and mothers going to church to cry out for the men to know God, how beautiful would it be if the man gathered his family, opened the Bible, and led his family? Not perfection, but men who take a stand according to what the Lord intended.

With a huge grin on my face, I am happy and somewhat privileged to say, I have had a man in my life who sat his family down to have bible study, and that’s my father. Well, as this was Father’s Day weekend, I had a nudge to be a little selfless and share some of the lessons my daddy taught me that I still carry with me as an adult child. I know most people believe they have the best dad in the world, and I think it’s only so because they haven’t met my dad!

Firstly, I am grateful that I had the privilege of having a present dad even in my adult life. In the African culture, not many children can hold a conversation with their fathers. Children only get to interact with them when greeting or when there is a need for correction. The standard of a father has been set to “feared” for you to be respected. I think there is so much strength in being viewed as a lover. Without any further yapping, let’s get right into the lessons.

1. Being Present

Through his actions, my dad taught me that being present for his family is part of the glue that holds the family together. He taught me that fatherhood is not measured by the big fat cheque you bring home, even if it costs you time with them(mind you, we have never lacked). Seemingly small moments like having dinner or breakfast together made the most difference. The conversations, the school pickups, and drops offs. Dentist appointments for tooth extractions ( yep! I have had quite a number of those, haha)  are the moments I still cherish even as an adult. Because my dad was present for our family, it makes it so easy for me to pick up the phone when I am in trouble without an ounce of fear, but a deep knowing that I can go to my father; he is my father after all. Family has never been an afterthought when it comes to my father; it is no doubt at the top of his priority list. Some may think a man who is present means a family drowning in poverty, but no, I have been spoiled more by my dad than any man I have ever met. Most of my firsts have been from home, and I am forever grateful.

2. Some People Are Seasonal

When I was about 14 years old, one of my friends transferred from my school. I was so sad. I remember asking my dad to transfer me to her school as well. One day, as he was driving me home from school, I remember him telling me that transferring me was not an issue. He went on to tell me that you will lose people in your life; this will not be the first, neither would it be the last time. I remember him telling me that sometimes God puts people in our lives only for a season, and because we need them or they need us in that season. Unfortunately, sometimes those seasons come to an end. For my 14-year-old brain, that was difficult to comprehend, but that has been a lesson I carry to date and not just when it comes to friendships. Ohh, and I have just reconnected with that friend, I guess some seasons get renewed!

3. Boldness

There was a time I bought a pair of heels. To be honest, I did not really like them, but you know how salespeople can be. I took the shoes home, and the next day I decided to return them. Unfortunately, the shop had a no returns policy, which, mind you, was not communicated before purchase. Being the little girl, I sometimes am. Teary, I called to tell Daddy. He came to the shop and did the talking. I led with this story to showcase how my dad always showed up, even when most people don’t dare to do so. One of the questions my dad always asks when I am ranting about an unfair situation, be it at work or anything, is “Did you say something?” be it asking for clarification or respectfully saying NO. This is still a work in progress for me. As for you, reader, I pray you get the boldness to stand in rooms and to go after the dreams God placed on your heart.

4. Pray For Those Who Hurt You

I know this might be a bomb and something that can be difficult to do in the moment. And no, not the kind of prayer to avenge, but leaving it in God’s hands, wishing them well, and remembering they are also a child of God. Praying for those who hurt us has a way of bringing healing to us as individuals. It helps us to allow God to teach patience, long-suffering, etc.

5. Loving My Mother

I have come across a statement that said, Loving your wife is the greatest gift you can ever give your children. I couldn’t agree more with this statement.  The way my dad loves my mother goes beyond romantic lovey-dovey kind of stuff. It’s the way he actually enjoys my mother’s company, their friendships. Loving her enough to put in the work required in marriage, being intentional. I remember that after high school, I had a picnic date with a friend on the lawn in front of our house. Suddenly, the gate opened, he drove in fast, and went straight into the house. Because of his agency, I had to go and see if everything was okay. Lo and behold, the tap had burst, and my mother was wet trying to contain it. That’s why Daddy had come back home. I casually went back to tell my friend what happened and that everything was fine. I would never forget the shock on her face when my dad left work just to come and help mum. It was in that moment that I realised how lucky Mummy was to have my father as her husband.

I have always joked that my dad has set the standard high; maybe it’s because he has. He showed me a masculinity that is rooted in love and not insecurities. Though not a man of many words ( talkative), Daddy has the most genuine, loudest laugh, and the biggest heart.  I love you, Daddy.

tanyafungai