Set Yourself Free & Grow by Mastering The Art of Forgiveness.

Not forgiving someone is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die

Nelson Mandela

Ever heard of the saying, “unforgiveness is like drinking poison and hoping someone else will die”. That sounds stupid, right?. How does one drink poison and expect the next person to die? In its stupidity, it’s sad because that is what a majority of us do through holding on to unforgiveness. One aspect that can help you live as the best version of yourself is mastering the art of forgiveness. Some might view it as a sign of weakness but on the contrary, being able to forgive is a reflection of strength not only because most people cannot do it, but because it does more good than harm. Forgiveness is a crucial component of your personal growth journey. The reason that forgiveness is so important in your self-development is not so much as what it does for the other person as much as what it does for you.

Did you know half the times the person you are lamenting over because of unforgiveness does not even think about you or what it is they have done to you, at times they do not even know they wronged you! Their life is moving forward while yours is stuck in that chapter. You have a lot to accomplish, you deserve to enjoy and get the best out of life, master the art of forgiveness, and move on with your life. Grow into the best version of yourself and dare to reach your maximum potential by not allowing yourself to get stuck in unforgiveness. Every time you feel like holding on to an offense, always remember It’s causing more harm to you than to your offender. Did you know that the effects of unforgiveness can manifest physically in your health in the long run?

Negative Effects of unforgiveness on your health

• increased anxiety
• decreased immune system response
• Heart diseases
• diabetes
• chronic pain & fibromyalgia
• suppressed anger
• According to some research, 61% of cancer patients also have forgiveness issues.
• Low- self-esteem: from not forgiving yourself for past mistakes.

Forgiveness Meaning.

In a Psychology Today Online article, Gordon Livingston indicates that forgiveness “is not something we do for others; it is a gift to ourselves.” Livingston goes on to say that forgiveness is neither forgetting nor reconciliation. 

Mayo Clinic Staff Chaplin Katherine M. Piderman, Ph.D., defines forgiveness as “a decision to let go of resentments and thoughts of revenge.”

Forgiveness is a character strength and process that when practiced, is associated with improved psychological well-being, physical health outcomes, and longevity. Kathi Norman: University of Pennsylvania.

Forgiveness is when you’re no longer torturing yourself over what happened, You are no longer making yourself wrong, and you are no longer wishing it were different. The power of forgiveness is to be able to move on in your mind and have your heart heal – Mel Robbins.

I like to define forgiveness as, Allowing yourself to break free of your past & present offenses and disappointments, wholeheartedly letting go, freeing yourself mentally, emotionally, physically & spiritually – Personal Growth Strategies

Forgiveness can be both a one-time act and a process. But the most important thing is to know that the ability to forgive is a choice. When you first truly experience the power of forgiveness, it becomes easy for you to exercise the forgiveness muscle. Take the first step. Let’s get into the practical steps/ tips on how you can master the art of forgiveness.

5 Tips on how to master the art of forgiveness.

1. Decide – The first step to forgiveness is making a conscious decision to do so and let go.
2. Let go of expectations- Waiting for someone to apologize or do something to earn your forgiveness will only cause you to harbor more unforgiveness. We can not control people’s actions or responses. Choose to forgive without any expectations from the next person.
3. Try to empathize – A lot of the times the way people treat you has nothing to with you, it has everything to do with them and their past traumas, anger, or their harbored unforgiveness. Am not saying whatever happened to you was not hurtful or that you deserved it. But changing your perspective and trying to look at their experience in their shoes can help you release the unforgiveness you are holding against them.
4. Guard your thoughts – When you find yourself having bad thoughts towards the person or consistently replying to the events. Capture those thoughts, replace them with life-filled thoughts and watch your mind bloom.
5. Talk about It- At times some people do not know that they even offended you. Talk about it helps you release the unforgiveness. Take note of the way you talk about it, practice good communication skills, and keep the goal of the conversation to avoid drifting to attack mode. Also, keep in mind not everyone who wronged you will give you the platform to talk about it and your goal in talking about it is not to get an apology, remember let go of expectations. talking to a counselor and therapist might also help
6. Remind yourself that forgiveness is about freeing yourself.

tanyafungai